sistermama gets real

On and Off the Needles

Thanks for all your kind words about my post yesterday.  I really value having a place to share honestly my mothering experiences, and I love getting to know about your's as well.  

Our house is gearing up into craft central. Jack, Lu and I have about three projects going each and we are just getting started.  Knitting is pretty much on hold right now, but I had a productive fall.   Off the needles:


Matching pumpkin hats for Lucy and my niece.  Makes me nostalgic for the first time I knit matching pumpkin hats.




Diaper soaker for a little sweetie.  


A great little pattern that flew off Jack's needles.  Can you tell how proud he is to be giving it as a gift?




Off the sewing machine needle, ruffle pants for my niece's first birthday.  Love the pants, but never making them again!  Unless, maybe I buy a ruffler foot.

A cabled cardigan for Lucy.  I've already had to rip it out once when I was about 70% done.  I realized I had been following the wrong size in the pattern.  Started it all over and promptly lost the pattern.  And of course it is one you can only by in hard copy.  Must send off for it.  Maybe I'll remember to do that at some point?


If I ever get sheep I want these babydoll kind.  How adorable are they???

 

Together, Not Separate

While I was putting Lucy to bed a few nights ago, I asked her to pick out a story.  I was already in a grumpy mood, having spent the day in a funk.  Tired and wanted a pretty quick story.  She didn't want the latest installment from the Seven Year Old Wonder Book, as we had read that for the last several nights.  She brought her first choice, too long and then a second, also too long.  I got out of her bed and said, "I know!  Hold on a minute." I went to the living room to get the Autumn Wynstones.  We haven't had most of its stories yet this year.  I thought she would be excited and felt like I was doing a little more in the story department then I had planned when I sat on her bed.  Instead, when she saw the book she said whined, "Oh, not that one.  I'm sick of that one."

Really, I had had it.  No story!  I sent Jack to my room to read, as he normally does after I've read a story, and marched right back out of the room to return the book to the living room.  I was mad!  Didn't she understand how tired I was?  I was trying to do something nice for her.  I'm SICK of every initial comment being negative and including false assumptions. Waa, waa, waa.  She wasn't going to win over me THIS time.  I went back into her room, as the hysterical crying had already begun.  I needed yet to turn off the lights and pull up her covers.  In the dark I sat next to her on the bed.  I consciously caught myself feeling so separate from her, so intent on winning? (winning what?), feeling more wronged.  I could feel a wall between us.  

What happens in these moments that sometimes allows us to step out of our own crap and baggage and move closer to unity and love?  Because, God knows, I am often all too happy to wallow in my own baggage.  Was it that conscious moment of feeling our separateness and knowing that wasn't my goal? What ever causes it, when it happens I can feel my brain shift out of the crazy, reactionary section and back into the rational zone.  

I took her little hand in mine and said, "I feel mad because I thought you would be excited about the book and it hurt my feelings because you complained."  She stopped crying and looked at me.  I went on "You feel sad because you said something you hadn't thought about and all of a sudden your mama was mad and there was no story."  She nodded.  I said, "I'm mad so I feel like I want to win by not reading you a story, and you feel sad and want to win by making me read a story."  A tearful "yes" came after that.  Then I told her that we don't have to win over each other, and that if just one of us wins, the other one loses.  We are on the same side and can win together.

We put our hearts together and hugged.  I felt the wall disappear. 

I told her a story that night, instead of reading her one.  A little win for both of us?  Just a simple retelling of "The Gingerbread Man".  But her eyes were lively and engaged, and her cheeks rosy by the time I finished.  She hugged my arm and told me, "I love that story.  You are mine, Mama."   

The First Light of Advent

The first light of Advent is the light of stones -
Stones that live in crystals, seashells and in bones. 
                                       - attributed to Rudolf Steiner 


 Let the waiting begin!  We started Advent today in grand style with a big, fancy dinner.  Jack and Lucy donned formal wear and I made a big turkey dinner.  Okay, just because I don't observe Thanksgiving doesn't mean I can't eat turkey in November, right?  

Jack and I scrambled to the farmers' market after church, so for the first time in years I have nice beeswax tapers for our advent wreath.  Normally I end up getting cheap tapers at the very last minute from the Evil Empire.  We've never had a formal "wreath", but up till this year have been using salt dough candle holders we made when Jack was 3.  Every year we promised to ourselves we would decorate them (to match each week) and every year we didn't.  They were covered in years of melted wax and were cracking as chunky salt dough things will do.  I thought this year I would buy one of those nice metal candle rings, but when I stopped at the store I couldn't make myself spend $20 on it.  So, I came home finally scrubbed up my two sets of nice clear glass taper holders and they look just fine on the table.  Lucy added crystals, seashells and rocks around the candles.  Every week we add something to go with the week's theme.  

We sang two songs when we lit the candle.  One originial song from "Advent: Lighting the Path the Christmas" and also "In the Advent Garden" found in the Wynstone Books, and other places.  After we ate I read the story "Mother Mary's Cloak" and as we blew out the candle sang another original song from the Advent e-book.  

Jack and Lu opened the stable (surprise, what could it be!) and also opened the first book.  


There was also some time for Daddy/Lucy waltzing.  Poor John, she has VERY specific ideas about how it should be done.  He is such a good sport.   

I
I've linked this post over at Frontier Dreams' Rhythm of the Home, so please do go over and check out the other wonderful posts.

Advent Ideas and Links

From within or from behind, a light shines through us upon things, and makes us aware that we are nothing, but the light is all.  ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

The books are wrapped and numbered, the figures for our nativity not yet.  Sounds like a good excuse to watch a movie tonight after the kids are asleep.  I had so much fun looking through the holiday books and putting them in an order that made sense to me.  I like to start with the more wintery books and move into the Christmas books as the month progresses.  I also like to try and put books into the Advent "theme" week from Steiner. I'll share some of my favorites soon.  I felt wistful as I was wrapping them... how much longer will J and L want a picture book a night?  Ack!! Someone remind me that my 9yo and 7yo aren't actually moving out of the house anytime soon.

I almost forgot that I had purchased the wonderful "Advent: Lighting the Way to Christmas" from Seasons of Joy last year.  I'm so glad I didn't forget I had it.  I think it is beyond wonderful, and honestly, I can be a pretty harsh critic.   It has general ideas for the whole month of Advent and then the rest is broken up into the four weeks. Each week has at least one story (some have two or three), music for singing or playing,  craft ideas, activites and recipes.  You could order it today and with very few supplies be ready to go the next day.  No affliate deal here, I just think it is well worth the $10 is costs.  I've also purchased several other of her guides and been pleased with them, but this one is by far my favorite.  

Marsha Johnson at Waldorf Home Educators has a wonderful 4 week lesson plan available for free in her files called "Stories of Light".  It can be found in her files then age specific curriculum > second grade > Stories of Light.  We used it last year and had a wonderful December filled with stories and activites about Hannukah, Advent and Solstice.

Other Wonderful Advent Links:

Ideas for the First Week of Advent - from Carrie at Parenting Passageway 

Baby Steps fo Celebrating Advent - If this is your first time, just pick a few little things to do.  The first time we observed Advent with intentionality, all we did we add to our nativity scene day by day, instead of putting it all at out once.   

If you have some favorite inspirational links, or would like to link to your own blog, please feel free to do so in the comments.  See you tomorrow for the first light of Advent!

Why I don't celebrate Thanksgiving

More than 10 years ago, I was challenged by a Native American friend as to why I celebrated Thanksgiving, when she knew I didn't buy into the American Thanksgiving mythology.  It was very hurtful to her that even with knowledge I still observed the day.  I knew her through a forum where we mainly discussed (among other things): race, gender politics, cultural appropiration, etc.  Really, women much more brilliant than I discussed these things while I listened, learned and sometimes contributed.  I tried to tell myself (and her) that it was about being thankful, being with my family, all the reasons you normally hear.  I wasn't able to formulate a real justification.  Eventually the forum trickled out and we lost touch.  

For the several years that followed though, the idea of Thanksgiving bothered me at the back of my brain.  How could I successfully separate the Thanksgiving I chose to celebrate from the truth that our country's relationship with its native people was nothing less than genocide?  And that federal and state mistreatment of these marginalized people continues to this day?  I sat with these ideas but didn't make any actual changes to my end of November participation.  

Fast forward to when Jack and Lucy were about 5 and 3.   I couldn't decide what I was going to tell them about what we were celebrating on Thanksgiving.  Would I just whitewash over the predominate mythology and tell them we were celebrating all the things we were grateful for?  Would I give them a slightly more accurate view of the Thanksgiving story?  I sure wasn't going to explain the actualities to them, not at 5 and 3!  Around this time I received my copy of UU World and on the cover it had an article header referencing how to celebrate Thanksgiving ethically.  I was so excited because I thought it would address my concerns, instead it was about buying organic food for the Thanksgiving table!  

John and I discussed not observing Thanksgiving for several months before we stopped.  In our family we already emphasied gratitude on a regular basis.  We spend the whole month of November remembering and celebrating beloved ancestors and deceased friends.  We usually host or particpate in some type of "harvest" even in September or October.  We couldn't find a real and powerful reason why we needed to sit around a table on the 4th Thursday in November and stuff ourselves with food.  

So we stopped.  And people don't like it.  Some get mad and think we are judging them with our decision.  Nope.  Some think we can ignore the origins and still collective meaning of the day and redefine it with our own intentions.  I came across a great quote the other night that I think addresses this approach:

"Sentimentality is the emotion we feel when we scoop off a part of the truth, that part which we are willing to accept, and slather it like syrup to cover what we do not want to see.  Usually what we don't want to see is our own responsibility to the remaining truth.  A half-truth is a very dangerous thing because it is a lie."

- Gertrude Mueller Nelson in "To Dance With God" 

Here are links to two excellent articles that discuss much more lucidly than I why we should drop Thanksgiving:
No Thanks to Thanksgiving
Why We Shouldn't Celebrate Thankgiving

And as normally holds with anything I discuss here, no judgement towards you, sweet reader.   I still totally love you, even if we don't agree on this topic.  

Readying for Advent

For me Christmas used to start the day after Thanksgiving.  I don't observe Thanksgiving anymore, (and not cause I'm not thankful, people!) and after I had Jack and Lu 30 something days of Christmas seemed like to much.  A month can be a lifetime to a young child, and by the time the big day finally arrived the bloom was off.  Around that time I was introduced to a Waldorf inspired home lifestyle and we embraced the season of Advent.  I think now I may like it even more than Christmas itself.  The waiting is good.  

We observe Advent with the traditional lighting of candles (one for each week) and use indications from Steiner about our focus for each of the weeks.  More on this later.   I wrap and number each nativity figure/object and our creche slowly and beautifully fills as the days pass.  I really love holiday books and have more than 30 of them.  It used to be overwhelming to have them all out and we often missed reading ones we really liked.  Now I wrap enough books to last us till Christmas and one is unwrapped each night in time for the bedtime story.  

So, my biggest prep effort for Advent is wrapping all those little figures and all those books!  Plus making sure they get numbered in the right order.  For once I'm ready for this process and will start tomorrow night, instead of late the night before!  

Lantern Walk

The sunlight fast is dwindling.
My little lamp needs kindling.
Its beam shines bright through darkest night,
Dear lantern guide me with your light. 










We made our lanterns roughly following Grace's tutorial here.  My friend's family wet felted wool around a balloon and made felted wool lanterns, something I hadn't seen before.  They turned out beautifully.  

Its not too late to do your own lantern walk even if the official Martinmas day has passed.  Make some lanterns and go out and walk around in whatever space you have, sidewalk or field.  It is such a beautiful experience, even if it is just your own little family.  Add in a telling of the story of St. Martin if you want.  And now I am turning myself towards Advent.  I can't believe it is only 5 days away!  

 

Checking In

When I leave town I have such good intentions that I'll post here.  It seems like it should be easier to find the time - no house of my own to clean, other adults to help with the kid work load, but no.  Instead I find myself spending nights drinking wine, eating mochi, watching ridiculous television and laughing hysterically with  my sister.  Okay, so we laugh hysterically all day.  But that time when all our children are in bed and mostly asleep (I'm talking about you Annie!) is so lovely.  I wish we lived on a big family compound.  

So, in the last two weeks we drove from almost winter back to fall.


I got to spend lots of time with my favorite one year old.  How great is being an aunt?  I'm thinking it is almost as much fun as being a grandparent.  It amazes me when the children who are so meant to be a part of our family end up with us.  She is independent, fierce, funny and so clever.  All the things we really value around here.  

Jack and Lucy also had plenty of time to love on their cousin.  So nice for kids who yearn for a younger sibling to have lots of substitute candidates in their lives.  

Hijinks ensue when these three are together.  I'm so looking forward to watching them grow up with each other.  Don't they look a lot alike, too?


Jack and Lucy spent a week doing school work at someone else's dining room table for a change.  And considering there were two adults working full time from home, a baby walking around and us doing our thing, I think we all managed quite well together.  (Typepad is insisting that this part should be underlined.  Okay, whatever!)


Lucy finally lost that other fronth tooth, (just in time to sing the song for Christmas!).  I had to scramble to find a charm for the tooth fairy.  Thanks for rescuing my scheme, Amy!


After a super fun first birthday party, we drove home and woke up two days later to this:


Okay, winter, I'm finally ready for you.  Bring it on!!!  Just wait for me to get that plow contract signed...

By the by, it's not too late to sign up for the stocking stuffer swap if you were thinking about it.  

 

 

 

Quick Stocking Stuffer Swap

Insert *here* a really cute picture of christmas stockings.  Inexplicably I don't have pictures of the last two Christmases.  Realized I left my camera at someone else's house for last Christmas (need pictures Orlando Cornetts!) and have no idea why I don't have them for the Christmas before that.  

How can it be that Christmas is  coming around the corner?  I don't really start thinking about Christmas much till the start of December, but we'll have our whole family with us this year, (yay!!!) and so I'm starting to think about logistics already.  I've also started a Waldorfy Stocking Stuffer Swap at Homespun Waldorf and I thought I would open it up to any readers that are interested as well.  Heres's the description from the forum:

Make 10 Waldorfy stocking stuffer items made out of natural materials and mail them to me by December 1. Some synthetic material may be fine if it is something like a pipe cleaner for internal support, or a metal clip for a barrette. Feel free to ask if you aren't sure. Each item should have a value of $5-7. Each item should be marked in someway as coming from you, paper tag is fine for this. When I receive everything, or by December 10 I will have the assortments reboxed and ready to go. You will pay return shipping by Paypal. 

I'm not sure about how shipping outside of the US will work for this, as it is kind of last minute. But, if you think you can get it to me by the 5th of December and are willing to chance that it will get to you if we ship around the tenth, please feel free to participate.

If you would like to join the swap, please comment below and I'll email you more details directly.   Did I miss explaining something?  Let me know.  

Remembering Our Ancestors

Many years ago I read the book The Fifth Sacred Thing.  One of the main things in the story that resonated with me was the practice of having a dinner gathering with family and friends to remember and celebrate those we love who have come before us and have left this world before us.  Pre kid John and I hosted several "ancestor dinners" where we invited friends to come over with a picture, a story and a food dish related to someone they wanted to remember and honor.   We gathered around the table and each person had time to pass around the picture of their loved one and share a story about them.  We listened and remembered with them.  Most friends of mine participated joyfully, several of their boyfriends skeptically.  But, by the end of the sharing and celebrating process even (especially!) the reluctant participants felt uplifted and more deeply connected to their chosen person.  

Enter kids.  John and I are lucky to have very close relationships to our grandparents, and to have each known at least two of our great grandparents and it is very important to us that Jack and Lu know the stories about these people we admire so much.  We each tell them stories about their great and great-great parents pretty frequently.  We tried briefly when they were younger to host an ancestor dinner as we did prekid, but it just didn't work.  Too much sitting and listening, and too much stress on parents' parts as we tried to get them to sit quietly for what sometimes lasts more than an hour.  Kind of like church.  You know, the glaring at your child to behave while intaking breath sharply through your nose, and then feeling guilty because their just being kids.  

So, somehow in the last couple of years, the one night sometime after Halloween to commemorate our ancestors has turned into a month long celebration and rememberance.   The day after Halloween we unpack the cardboard box with "ancestors" scrawled on the side of it and set up photos and mementos on the buffet in our dining room.


I'm missing a few pictures, must have taken them out of the box last year.  I need to look around the house for them. I sadly also need to add a new picture of my beloved aunt.  We have several special little objects that belonged to grandparents and great grandparents, and we put those out as well. As we take items out of the box, we talk a little bit about the person. The first night I light candles by the pictures and on our dinner table.  We sing a little song about ancestors and talk about ancestors in general.


During most other dinners for the rest of the month Jack and Lucy will take turns choosing one picture and placing it on the table.  Then either John or I will tell several stories specific to that person.  I will also plan several times to make special food that relates to one of our chosen people.  For example,  my aunt was an amazing cook and my cousin compiled a cookbook of many of her recipes.  We'll choose several of those to make and have a dinner honoring her.  If I don't know a specific food that an ancestor liked, I'll make food related to their ethnic heritage, so Swedish food for my Swedish grandma.  

The people you choose to honor don't just have to be actual relatives of yours.  They could be friends, someone you admired greatly, even pets you loved (Jack and Lu have requested to add pictures of our cats who died).  

While we try year round in our house to remember and honor people we love who have passed to the spirit world, I love having this time in November, when we naturally begin to turn inward, to formally celebrate them.  I find it to be a wonderful way to spend the month before Advent.  

Alyss at The Wheel and the Disk has a great post up today about the Day of the Dead and honoring ancestors.  Plus she has links at the bottom of the post to click back to other years of her posting on this topic. 

Please let me know how your family remembers ancestors together.  I'd love to hear about it!  I've linked to this post on Frontier Dreams, please check over there for great Rhythm in Our Home posts.